Lately I have been struggling with forgiveness. What it means, how to forgive when the hurt and bitterness run deep, how to stand for what is right without repaying hurt for hurt, is it "unchristian" to be angry? We've all been there, where someone might say something unkind in a moment of anger, don't do what they have said they would, etc. Usually, they will tell you that they are sorry and ask for you to forgive them. Yes, that is an act of forgiveness but what I'm really talking about is true betrayal, slander, lies upon your person and character, people distancing themselves from you because of the slander and lies, when others intentionally try to ruin your life, livelihood, continually work to take away any peace you may feel and destroy relationships that you have with people you love. Where it all just adds up and the hurt and pain are so deep that bitterness creeps in and in the most human part of yourself, late in the night, you want to repay. You want vengeance, you want to obliterate and annihilate those that have wronged you. I do believe that is a perfectly normal reaction. If you are a child of God and know that it is not right for you to repay hurt for hurt turmoil comes in. There is a struggle within your very soul that feels as if it will rip you apart. You know that you cannot seek revenge, that it isn't right, as a Christian the Bible tells us to forgive not just once, but always. Matthew 18:21-22 says--Then Peter came to him and asked, "Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?" "No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven!" Also, Matthew 6:14 says--"If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." I must forgive! Always! I need forgiveness from my Father in heaven, I have to have it! Apart from Him, I know who and what I am. I know the rotten person I am apart from Him and His grace. I'm not perfect. I fall every day. I say things I shouldn't at times, I feel hatred, I want to get down in the mud and brawl and join in the fray and ugliness. I have fell into that a few times, but I know it just makes things worse.
So do I then fall on my knees and cry out to God to help me? Sometimes, but a greater part of the time I walk around tied up in knots arguing with God, yelling at times..."Do You see this? Why should I forgive them? Why? They are just going to do it again or worse! Have You forgotten me? Am I being punished? Am I supposed to continually say nothing, just go on and every time I turn around get kicked in the teeth? Where are You?" I'm thankful that even when I feel that God is not with me I know the truth, He is. He doesn't leave me to just wallow in the battle. He works, and will show me He is there, whether through people I meet, a story I read, a song I hear, His Word. Eventually I hand it to Him and say, "Lord, I choose to forgive_________." It's not always an instantaneous release, a lot of times, it is continuous...who am I kidding? Right now, it is an every day thing, sometimes an every hour thing. Just because you say you choose to forgive doesn't instantaneously make all the hurt and anger go away. You don't forget the grievances you have, they will pop up in your mind, so you say it all again.
I wonder how Jesus did it? I know He couldn't have apart from God. After being beaten, humiliated and crucified one of the last things Jesus says in Luke 23:34--"Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing." Stephen was stoned to death in Acts 8:59--As they stoned him, Stephen prayed "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit." He fell to his knees, shouting, "Lord, don't charge them (forgive them) with this sin!" And with that, he died. In Genesis, Joseph's brother's sold him into slavery and told Jacob, Joseph's father, that he had been killed by a wild animal. Many years later when Joseph was in high prominence in Egypt and a famine was going on his brothers came to Egypt in order to buy food. I'm sure it ran across Joseph's mind, "really? you sold me, you hated me so intensely that you got rid of me." Instead, he forgave them, gave them food, supplies, and new clothes for them to return to their home and then return to Egypt with Jacob.
In all three of these instances no vengeance was taken upon the ones who did the wrong. That is the beauty of the accounts. Their trust and love in God was total. Romans 12: 17-21 says--"Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, "I will take revenge; I will pay them back," says the LORD. Instead, if your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning colas of shame on their heads. Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good."
Forgiving is letting go of a "debt" that you believe someone owes you, letting go of what they will never be able to repay. Jesus and Stephen both lost their lives and Joseph lost years with the father who treasured him. Jesus, being the Son of God, rose from the dead and lives, but not because of anything the ones who killed Him did. They couldn't give Him back his life, neither could the people who stoned Stephen to death. Joseph's brothers could not take back what they had done so that Joseph might regain the years he lost with his father. Jesus could have just "spoken" one word and everyone who had tormented him would have died, Stephen could have ran, or fought back, Joseph could have had all of his brothers killed or refused to give them the food they so desperately needed. Instead, Jesus gave up His life and therefore we are all forgiven if we believe in Him. Stephen died, and Saul (later Paul) experienced a conversion on the Damascus Road and instead of continuing his persecution of Christians became one of Christianity's greatest leaders. Joseph provided for his brothers and experienced a wonderful family reunion.
Forgiving people who have wronged you does not mean that they will stop what they are doing, they more than likely will continue to persecute you or they may not even realize that they have done wrong to you. Forgiveness is for you. It is seeking to release the anger, the twisting up of yourself. It isn't easy, and there is a lot of not getting it right and making mistakes. But even in the struggle there is freedom because we know that we can't do it on our own and that we have to go to the One who forgives us, He see our hearts, our desire to forgive, and begins to work and unravel the tangle of emotions. I need that. I don't want to live angry, seeking to destroy others. What does it profit me? Nothing. Anger breeds more anger. It's a vicious cycle, one that leads to a life of misery. I choose the battle. In this life I will never get it completely right, and I will fall down and have to get up, dust myself off and keep moving forward, but one day all of this struggle will be over and I will be able to look back and see the beauty that came from choosing to forgive.
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